the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Randomize
