Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
