i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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