you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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