so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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