I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
