is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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