And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
