Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Its about making memories worth repressing
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
