Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
