It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
40s are totally the cure
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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