Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
