Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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