Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
