6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize