I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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