I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
