Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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