Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
