It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
