first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
