btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
