I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
