The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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