I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
