Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
