in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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