So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
