So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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