Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drive I can fine osifer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize