i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
