Sry I called you an 8
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
