dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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