You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
