Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
