Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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