If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
