Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
