my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
me + whiskey = a bad person
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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