There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
