im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
