My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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