There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
