wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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