When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
