chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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