Already got asked if we're dating
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
