When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
