There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
