shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
