no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
