well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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