Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's always time for handjobs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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