yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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