I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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