she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
