Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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