so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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