(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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