I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
