Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
