she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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