just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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