fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
