well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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