First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Barsexuality is the new black.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
