I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
