Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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