I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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