Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
