If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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