Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
