we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
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