I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
