I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
