Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
