your parents love me but you hate me
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she woke up with a sticky ear
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My ass is underappreciated
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
