So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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