my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
